And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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