Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
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Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
birth control should be required to get into college
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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