So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
