Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
