Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think people are normalizing furries
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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