That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
