people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
