He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
