new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
