I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
