I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
