My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
