John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say