I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
