Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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