non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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