You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
