Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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