At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
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He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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