my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
