It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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