Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
