i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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