before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
