I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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