im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize