Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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