well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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