you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
