The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
