Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
