So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
