So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
