I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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