Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
