I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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