Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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