last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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