Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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