You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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