Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
