Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
