Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
