Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
