In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize