I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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