you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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