You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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