She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
