i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
