end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
