The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
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He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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