We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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