OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You've changed since you got that strap on
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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