so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
