Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
