the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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