apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
All I want is dick and wine.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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