someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
